Boundaries 101
From the moment you and your dog begin working together you need to set firm boundaries and expectations for their behaviour, teach them how to make better choices, hold them accountable for the choices they make and always advocate for them. In doing so we develop a relationship rooted strongly in trust and accountability... they know that you will always protect them and that you expect their best work in every situation. When you have been living with a dog without cultivating these strong leadership influences it takes time and consistent daily effort to overcome the past and to make that shift in your relationship so that moving forward the dog sees you as a strong leader and truly buys into what you say.
Many dogs are mislabeled as ‘problematic’ or ‘bad’ when in fact they are learning who we are as leaders by testing our boundaries to determine if they are firm and consistent and worthy of respecting (leadership) or flimsy and inconsistent and easy to ignore and control.
As handlers, it’s our job to set and uphold firm, clear and consistent rules and boundaries for our dogs and to hold them accountable for respectful behaviour by correcting poor choices and ensuring polite obedience. This is the job of a ‘leader’.
There are thousands of little moments that add up and give our dog a picture or a ‘sense’ of who we are as handlers and leaders and of what we allow/endorse and what we don’t. If the majority of our small moments are permissive, excessively affectionate, inconsistent, or allowing the dog to behave rudely or impulsively, push the boundaries and disregard the rules then we are giving our pup the impression that we are not very believable leaders.
Sometimes it all comes down to one simple but monumentally challenging thing... will power (aka discipline!!). When dogs need rules, boundaries and accountability it can be super hard for folks to muster the will power to say no to couch time, no to sleeping in the bed, no to unearned treats, hugs, and kisses... so do you allow or encourage this stuff because it fills YOUR emotional needs? It's not necessary for your dog's happiness ... your dog is happy just being with you!
If our dogs don’t want to listen to us in the small mundane moments, then we definitely won’t have the influence that we need to help them make good choices in the big important moments! It’s the accumulation of all the small moments where the handler ensures that the dog is tuned in, calm, polite and following and holding commands that either builds or breaks our believability as the leaders that our dogs either want to follow or choose to disregard.
Take an honest and realistic look at your relationship with your dog and truly evaluate whether that relationship is fulfilling your dog's needs for leadership, health and exercise or fulfilling your own emotional needs. Dogs need rules and structure and education the most. Not unlike children in some ways, your dog needs a ‘parent' who will make the hard calls (like bedtimes, no candy, do homework, etc.) that are in the best interest of that child, even if it upsets the child, because kids can't see the big picture. Kids need you to be a parent just as dogs need you to be a leader. The leader who makes and enforces the rules and sets boundaries and expectations for their behaviour and holds them accountable for their choices. Just as all children must go to school to get an education, dogs must also go to school and get training. They all need it and are all so much happier, well adjusted, and calmer for it. Dogs do need us so much, but not for the easy soft permissive stuff... they need us for the educational, structured leadership stuff because that is true love.
If I give a dog 10% affection (pets, hugs, freedom, treats, soft and permissive stuff) and 90% rules, structure, boundaries and accountability then things are probably going to be ok. But, for a lot of folks, these ratios are reversed... 90% affection and 10% rules/boundaries/structure/accountability and that’s when the anxiety, unwanted behaviour, and all the naughty stuff starts to creep in. Think of it like a class room, what would happen if the teacher only took charge of the class for 6 minutes out of a 60 minute class? So 6 minutes (or 10%) were structured lessons but in the other 54 minutes the kids could do whatever they wanted and the teacher gave them candy (treats). How much would those kids learn? And what would their overall behaviour be like? Balance and moderation are always the key factors that keep us all on track.